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You already know weight loss surgery is not a magic bullet and you know it’s just a tool… There’s something else that is very important that you need to know and even though you believe this to the core of your being, losing all the weight is not getting you to the paved golden streets of happiness.

Pre-ops will tell me I’m crazy and don’t get me wrong, it makes you happier for awhile. (I believed it too) The problem is that when we put our happiness in outside “things” we set ourselves up for disappointment. “When I lose weight, when I get the right job, when I get the right man/woman.” If the thing that makes us happy is always in the future, we can never get there and even if we get it, we wake up one day and realize that the “thing” isn’t as exciting as it was in the beginning. All new things become old. You can’t maintain a high from one thing without consequences. Happiness comes from within.

I had a wonderful friend that said she wanted to go back and be 20 again since all the hot guys were hitting on her now even though she had a wonderful supportive husband. I explained that she already had her knight in shining armor because let’s say you replace him and one day you’ll wake up and see that he snores too and after all the newness has worn off, it will just be the same old thing and you might find out he has more bad habits than the last one.

You may or may not be aware of what “they say” about how someone who emerges from years of alcoholism. They have been numbing their feelings so long that they have to learn to grow up socially because they checked out when the disease took hold of their life. It is much the same for many of the obese. When you and others decide that you are unworthy of taking part in the real world you are often left alone to your own devices and are not exposed to normal life lessons. Not every obese person isolates, but I believe most do because we have condemned ourselves to a self loathing prison.

Many obese people are absolutely sure when they walk in a room that EVERY SINGLE PERSON in the room has seen them and commented about how big they are. Of course this isn’t true, but it comes with the job. I was an expert at isolation at the end of my fat life. I had to go to work and only went to Wal-Mart because I could get food and clothes in one spot. The thought that someone might recognize me and the shame associated with it was too much to bear. With that in mind it meant that I did not take part in the everyday activities that so many people take for granted.

When we start to live in “normal people land” there is so much adjusting involved. Newbies often have a tough time because life changes so quickly and you’re on a massive high. This massive high helps you deal with the fact that you are no longer getting high on food. Your hormones go crazy, you are feeling better than ever and you might make life choices that are not good for you. You might end up drinking too much or you might feel sexy for the first time in a long time….or ever. Oh wow…have I seen some things! Because you are changing so radically you need to have a system to keep you in check.

I’m not kidding because I swear you’ll think something is a really good idea at the time and when you look back on it later, you wonder who on earth was that person and what was I thinking? I believe you should avoid new relationships for at least a year because we don’t even know who we are yet.

If you are already in a relationship, it is so important for both of you to know that the person that got the surgery will be getting attention and they will like it. (That’s normal but tough on the spouse) Spouses you need to be first in line to tell your newly thin significant other how nice they look. Surgery person, you need to realize how much benefit you are getting from the surgery, having the time of your life, and the spouse’s life is changing and has no choice in the matter and might feel scared and resentful. Unfortunately this life changing surgery is still poorly understood. The operation itself is the smallest part of our “recovery”. Someone needs to help you learn to drive this new race car because you haven’t done it before.

Cross addiction is real. One of my favorite definitions of addiction is “continued use despite negative consequences”. That described my obesity perfectly. I knew I was huge but I continued to eat because it was my coping mechanism. I knew I would only have a few moments of pleasure to be followed by a period of guilt and self loathing. We have to figure out how to deal with life without coping mechanisms. The first year it is so important to retrain your lifestyle because it’s the easiest time because you can practically do anything without messing up the plan because you will lose weight. When you get to the end of the honeymoon period, you need to be well trained by then because trying to start the changes after the honeymoon period is very difficult. You need to already be involved in new activities and learn how to handle what triggers your addictive behavior…

Tomorrow we will post the rest of Yvonne’s blog about the life changing effects of weight loss surgery. Stay tuned!

Read Yvonne’s blog, Bariatric Girl and her show WLS Journeys